we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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