im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
