When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Come on in and take your pants off
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