There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
