i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
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I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
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every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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