wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
