I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
