It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
