I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
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And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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