Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize