On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
