I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
