Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
