you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
