last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
