pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
