I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
