i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
