he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
