You really coming over, don't trick.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize