doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
