Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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