I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
