apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
3 2 1 whiskey
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize