no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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