nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
