I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
