Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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