What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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