if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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