please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
