I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
