I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
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We left an ass print on the piano.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
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I just want nice things and good sex
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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