Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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