I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
