I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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