I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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