i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
