I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
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I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
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If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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