Your face is a jimmy john
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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