I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I touched a dick in church today
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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