My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
