Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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