Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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