did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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