It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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