she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
