Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
