oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.