how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.