How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
