Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
