The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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