I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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