Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
