dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
