Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
