bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
