im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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