Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
