worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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