dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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