i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
