i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
