talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
