Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
