I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
