i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
