I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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