Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
