hell yes lets make some ravioli
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
