Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
