Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
