If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
