First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
