I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
