shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
