So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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