I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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